By G. Cochran, Assistant Editor
(Published Wednesday, July 8, 2015)

Determined to find a solution to gun violence, even if it takes traveling to distant worlds.
General Electric in cooperation with NASA and the HONR Network announced today their plans to send parents of the children who died in the tragic events at Sandy Hook Elementary school into space! This landmark event will send the parents to distant planets like Saturn where they will meet with our dark lord, Satan and present their plan to end gun violence.

Expected to be a journey lasting 18 months and spanning millions of miles, the crew will stop at the edge of the galaxy and broadcast the sound of children’s laughter throughout the universe. Although it’s uncertain whether the conditions will afford the opportunity, the crew hopes to dock with a comet and preach their message of love and resilience to microbial life forms they hope to find there.

“When we demanded a plan from lawmakers on this planet, the results were less than stellar,” remarked Michael Bloomberg who is also sponsoring the project. “The hope is that, in their capacity as ambassadors these determined parents will find other civilizations more receptive to a gun free world.” It seems a ‘gun free universe’ might be the ultimate goal shared between the Newtown parents and Michael Bloomberg, who awarded them honorary Jew status and Israeli citizenship upon their return. It’s thought that a mission of this type might kick start the process and achieve an end to personal gun ownership faster.

Michelle Alvin, a public relations spokesperson for NASA commented, “We did go to the moon. When I hear these bat-shit-crazy conspiracy theorists accuse NASA of faking it, it makes me want to take their guns away. That’s a very natural reaction to their claims. Therefore, NASA views this unprecedented mission as a win-win that will help to both prove we conduct space flights and lead to gun confiscation.”

Staffs at GE, NASA and the HONR Network share the view that, ultimately the pressure from intergalactic regimes will lead to gun confiscation here on earth. The excitement is almost palpable at mission headquarters, where engineers and change agents alike burst into fits of giggling and others simply drool while staring off into the distance. Presumably, imagining all the love and resilience resulting from a gun-free population is meditative and mesmerizing.

“We are OK to go, even if the American public isn’t,” joked Lenny Pozner, the bereaved father of Sandy Hook victim Noah Pozner. Updates are expected within the month and flight preparations are expected to begin sometime in August.

Leave a Reply

59 thought on “Newtown Parents to Tour Universe As Ambassadors of Peace”
  1. LMAO Excellent idea. I can suggest a number of “Earth public servants” who should go along. Hell, I’ll be glad to have my “taxes” finance it. LOL

  2. Excellent! I do so love satire.

    This IS the problem with fanatics; They take themselves AND their preferred brand of ‘religion’ too seriously. It matters not whether they believe in Allah, gOd, Jesus, Money, Gold or slavery the results are all the same; Maniacal zealotry. Which, in turn, leads to all kinds of criminal behavior. Even murder.

    The odd thing is that most fanatics believe themselves to be sane, rational beings when every sane, rational being KNOWS that it is insane to lie, steal, conspire, cheat and murder.

    I am glad that I own a gun…or two. With these types of cruel and murderous people fouling the environment it is necessary to protect one’s self and those that they love.

        1. Yeah Mick, she reminded me of a female James Brown. Then there was the other one with the little goatee who liked to dress up like an admiral. I really don’t know how anyone takes them seriously.

          Everywhere in the world one looks its the same. None of these parasites could hold a job in an ice cream shop. If they got the response they deserved they’d all be chased down the street.

        2. Just when they pass a law they are not going to train Pravy Sector, they fly 2500 Ukrainian neo nazis to Colorado?

          I have seen stories floating around the web for years concerning citizens seeing Russian troops in town and around bases. My response was always, yeah right!

          Now I am wondering, were they pravy sector? They do all speak Russian. Are they going to guard the Denver airport?

        3. Well Mick, here’s what we DO know. Obongo’s bosses have decided that the enforcement arm of the NWO (that’s the U.S.), is going to provoke WWIII for the effrontery of resisting their total domination.

          We have to stop thinking in terms of countries when analyzing what these mutts are up to. They do not have a shred of loyalty to anyone but themselves and the banksters that feed them. All the talk of nations is simply to confuse the eaters.

          If you put yourself in their mindset (ugh!), all populations represent threats to their plans. No one with an IQ above a turnip would volunteer for their agenda. First they must reduce the standards of everyone to “Third World expectations”, think “austerity”, then the eugenics arm will kick in.

          The U.S. has had foreign troops on its soil for a very long time. If those are Russian it is hard to imagine at this time what that signifies, exactly. It could be Russian-speaking troops or Ukrainian (I doubt that most Americans can tell the difference), or its some of Nuland’s boys.

          At the end of the day they all march to the orders from the “Tribal Council”. Whatever ideology they claim is completely unimportant to their owners. It is merely useful for manipulative purposes.

          Every day the screw gets tightened a few notches. Eventually, even the walking dead will realize that things have changed, and not for the better. They are trying to get ahead of that phenomenon. I actually think the foreign troops idea is more for impact than anything else. It is intimidating to have someone barking orders with an accent.

          What few seem to realize is that the mechanics of their NWO are all in place. We are in the implementation phase. They are not going to announce this, they are simply doing it. Every time they pass a law or Obongo issues an edict, or they simply act with impunity, it becomes a reality.

          We can whine that the thugs in blue are beating and killing people, but there they are. We can complain that they are stealing our money and obligating our grandchildren for things we did not ask for, but that’s what they’re doing. To pay for it all they will demand “austerity” for us. That means “you must live with less so that we can have more”.

          So these little military exercises serve a purpose. They are displays of power, like the “road rally” of military vehicles recently in Eastern Europe. They are fascists. They are in our faces and flaunting their message that “we will do whatever we like. You can do nothing to stop us”.

          That’s the root message. The rest is simple dishonesty. We are currently simply observers. Right now “democracy” means voting for Hillary of Jeb.

        4. @Lophatt
          That is a pretty good summation of what is happening. It is easy to see why jade helm kicks off in Texas as they are talking about their own gold bank.

          It would be a lot cheaper if the Bushes and Clintons began breeding together. We could save a lot of money on these expensive elections.

    1. That’s important information. I often wonder how I survived my youth without all this oversight. No bicycle helmets, playing in city parks, building forts, and above all, no warning stickers on five-gallon pails explaining not to stick my head in water and drown.

      We’ve come a long way. It won’t be long until there isn’t a single aspect of our lives that won’t be codified and enforced. I’ve always said that lack of supervision leads to independent thought. Scary stuff.

      1. Like it Lophatt…ha.. roller skating on newly build roundabouts in the middle of the road is off limits now.. how did we survive.!. my better half and his friends ate the tar off the roads..just to see what it tasted like.. Oh.the free thinking youth of yesteryear.. and we all survived…!!The world has gone mad..!!..The piece by Cochran was hilarious…being a simpleton after reading a couple of lines.. I thought it was true…ha.. Well they want you to believe in fairy tales don’t they..

        1. Poppy, indeed they do. Just for the record, I too ate the tarmac to see what it tasted like. Why we even used to bicycle behind the fogger trucks that put out DDT to keep down the mosquitoes.

          There was a time when people resented other’s intrusions. I is disappointing to see how quickly they adapt to having others control every aspect of their lives. They subconsciously think they must ask permission to do anything they like.

          I may be an anachronism but I’ll die with the same attitudes I’ve lived with. They can all run happily to their absorption into the “Borg”, I’ll keep my distance.

  3. Hopefully Anderson Cooper will be on board to give us truthful reporting on the reaction of our galactic brothers and sisters to this space tour!

      1. Ground Control to Major Tom (Monte Frank) your circuits dead there’s something wrong….HAHA

        Maybe they’ll run into the Klingon’s and wish they were “Packing”…

        1. Ha, ha, ha, that’s good. Actually I think Saturn is too Earth-like for this crew. They need something dark and soulless like….Uranus. In fact, with that upcoming lawsuit pending it could be handy. “Pat, its Monte talking from Uranus”.

        2. Correction Houston.
          Let the craft drift into space.
          It’s just got a couple of brain liberals on it and there’s still whole bunch more we need to rig of…

          What a Great idea! Just put all these loonies on a Spaceship to promote Gun Control through out the Universe then “Pull the Plug”..HaHa.
          I Love it……………….

        3. “Pat, its Monte talking from Uranus”.

          HAHA. I can’t touch this without getting in “Trouble” HaHa.

          I sure hope they have some Toilet Paper to wipe out those Klingon’s if they attack…Like I said, Don’t get me started.

    1. Anne, I wouldn’t worry too much as their police department is awash in “recovery” money. No doubt Pat will sic “Kermit” on her. One glance of that withering stare and Monte’ sneer should do the trick.

      I very much like the idea of this “outreach” program. They nee a larger ship, however. It doesn’t seem fair that mere functionaries such as these should venture into space without their handlers. I know that Eric is now back in Chicago working for the people he was supposed to jail, but, when you’re talking outer space, how far out of the way would a junket to Chi-Town be?

      In fact, the whole D.C. contingent and THEIR owners should go. Arrangements could even be made for Gene. After all, its a long trip and a little entertainment would ease the journey. Just imagine being stuck in a little cylinder for, oh, a couple of lightyears with Gene. Pure bliss.

  4. Speaking of plans that were less than stellar, the laws enacted to eliminate bullets totally backfired!

    Initially, it was thought that if every agency in the government procured all the bullets those darned guns would be neutered silent. In reality, sales skyrocketed, production lines went into high gear 24/7 and citizens realized imported bullets look and work just the same when you turn them upside down!

    Drum roll please….

    It is declared that all bullets will have individual serial numbers and a database will be created to ensure all bullet buyers will pass a background check, and if allowed to buy bullets said database will assign each bullet with unique serial numbers to said purchaser.

    This last declaration was quietly repealed from NYS law recently, seems the Monte bean counting lawyers, realized the technology does not exist and it would be too costly for all the government agencies to have to have all those serial numbers removed from their bullets!

    It is not fair that we are straddled with tough drug laws that do not even allow medical marijuana and we pay for them to indulge in obviously top of the line reality altering drugs.

    Warning, this link caused my computer fits and doesn’t say much to those not paying attention. That bullet and database and background check thing was removed from the stringent gun laws passed after SHH because the technology does not exist and it would cost a lot of money.

    When we say hundreds of millions, you all are getting smarter and know to multiple by billions, so never mind for now….. That is actually my reading between the lines skill!

  5. G. Cochran –

    What’s this “our dark Lord, Satan” business? You admitting that you (also) are one of his demonic disciples?

    “……..This landmark event will send the parents to distant planets like Saturn where they will meet with our dark lord, Satan and present their plan to end gun violence………”

  6. This just in from Newtown – Steven Spielberg has contacted First Selectperson Pat Llodra, asking for town cooperation with the blockbuster movie he’ll make of this space odyssey. WGAW writers are already on the project. Suggested title of the movie – Space Morons. Not to be confused with Space Cowboys.

    Connecticut’s own Chris Dodd, current Chairman and CEO of The Motion Picture Association of America, in an interview with Newtown Bee offered his assistance and connections. However, he does not know for how long as he expects to be named US Ambassador to Cuba by Comrade Obongo.

    “Former Connecticut U.S. Senator Chris Dodd’s name is being floated as a possible candidate to become the first U.S. ambassador to Cuba in more than half a century.”

    Señor Dodd said with his newfound expertise in the movie business, and should he relocate to Havana, a possible location in Cuba for the take off is fitting for the mindset of the space crew.

    In telephone interviews with Connecticut Governor Malloy and former NYC Mayor Bloomberg, they assured the movie won’t lack funding. The White House could not be reached for comment.

  7. This story seems a bit too far fetched does it not ? Do you REALLY believe that they are going to send the parents into space ? I have serious doubts myself.

    If however this is reported on the MSM with a few green screen video clips then I am sure most of the masses would buy the story.

    I may start producing and selling bumper stickers to commemorate the event.

    BTW- the latest story in Connecticut’s ongoing struggles- the police were called to a flea market because someone was selling Confederate and Nazi historic materials – yes – this is a real story:

  8. This story is more believable then then the Newtown families going to South Chicago and preaching “We are Newtown We Choose Love” line.

    I wonder if Nicole Hockley (Mother of Dylan -as she calls herself) and Mark Barden go to Chicago (yeah right) and tell everyone that they should only have 10 round magazines and only load 7 bullets if that will reduce gun homicides. Common sense gun law right Nicole ?

    1. This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen on this blog. Further, I believe the comments alone highlight the probability of paid commenters, as I’m sure I’m not the only one to see this as just filibuster junk.

  9. This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen on this blog. Further, I believe the comments alone highlight the probability of paid commenters, as I’m sure I’m not the only one to see this as just filibuster junk.

    1. reprehensor, your comment is remarkably similar to that of gran1t3. What “probability” does that “highlight?” Could it be “just filibuster junk?”

  10. I like it, “Goonies from Uranus”, kinda catchy. In another interesting development, Deanna Spingola has published a book “Screening Sandy Hook” in which she has elaborated her theories on psychotropic drugs and crazy “truthers” as well:

    Seems she’s been using her radio platform as a bully pulpit to “debunk” Sofia Smallstorm’s work on SHES and, by extension, all of us as well. From her other work it certainly appears curious how she has suddenly done an about face on SHES.

    It seems Spingola’s on a rolla. I suppose one could see this as using SHES to promote her pet theories on psychiatry and drugs in general, but the venomous nature of her attacks on those who have IQ’s higher than that of a turnip are disturbing and are not supported by evidence.

    Perhaps someone more familiar with her than I could shed more light on this. I’m still digging through it and her basic pronouncements that we’re all loons is hard to reconcile with her usual fare.

  11. “Expected to be a journey lasting 18 months and spanning millions of miles, the crew will stop at the edge of the galaxy and broadcast the sound of children’s laughter throughout the universe.”

    This is my favorite sentence in the piece because it’s an analog of the laughably illogical fictions and violations of physical law latent to Official Stories, that we’re expected to swallow whole everyday, here at the Never Ending Parade of Staged Events.

  12. Deanna Spingola’s been on the ropes in a mami’s comment thread related to her latest SHES show…. bobbing, weaving, equivocating, changing subjects, pimping her SH book. Begins with my first comment, quoting some of her absurd statements when she appeared on the Pete Santilli Show on 3/31/14.
    ^ Advance to 2hr 7m for the top of Deanna’s 23 minute interview.
    @ 2:07:30 PS: Still, you can’t say with absolute certainty that you know what happened with Sandy Hook, right?

    DS: Well, yes, you CAN say exactly what happened, because, they have come out with all the reports, […]

    @ 2:08:55 PS: So, you’ve said you read the reports, and, I’m not even going by the conspiracy theories. How do we know that we’re to trust those reports? Can we?

    DS: I think that, yes, I think you can.

    @ 2:13:20 PS: Human beings, and human beings make intentional errors sometimes too, so we have to also consider the other side of the coin. Yeah, that isn’t the do all end all be all; the sources of information we have to conduct our research, unfortunately I think are kind of tainted as well.

    DS: Ah, I disagree with respect to these. These are just the, the officers that were there; they talk about what they saw.

    Here’s the mami’s thread where Spingola can be seen, umm, “defending herself”, or something:

  13. Very interesting video on the tomb stone monuments at the Newtown Cemetery. Only very recently have tombstones for Richman and Kowalski popped up. Not only are the tombstones new but there were never any markers for those graves.

    Conversely the graves nearby for Green, Pinto, Bacon and Wyatt always had markers at least and there were always trinkets and flowers periodically deposited around them even when there were only markers. Yet all the while Richman and Kowalski had nothing at all ?

  14. I just had a new thought …If Amanda D’Amato’s class was totally wiped out except for the one survivor than who did she teach for the remainder of the year ? There would have likely been a realignment of students from some of the other classes to be transferred to her class correct ?

  15. Hartford Consensus: Majority of Sandy Hook Victims Had Survivable Wounds

    This renders the official story absolutely irrelevant, and it is time for the American people to demand accountability for over two years of criminality on the part of Connecticut officials in covering up the truth of the Sandy Hook School shootings.

    The [Hartford Consensus Group], a division of the American College of Surgeons, found that a majority of fatalities in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Conn., had bled to death.

    “A lot of these children’s injuries were not immediately lethal,” Dr. William A. Billups, a surgeon at Anderson and Rush said. “The reason they died is because they bled out.”

    And this as well:

    [Deputy Portsmouth Fire Chief James] Heinz said…one of the lessons learned from the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting was that some victims bled out while a SWAT team had control of the school building.

    This absolutely, completely, once and for all nullifies the repeated claim that the majority of victims were deceased upon police arrival.

    Remember that moment when Kehoe hesitated in answering the reporter’s question as to whether anyone could have been saved? He then said, “No.”

    Lives depend on a truthful accounting of the Sandy Hook emergency response.

Leave a Reply